May 1, 2026

Pop quiz!

What’s the difference between people who practice [anything] regularly and people who don’t? Is it…

Time?

Talent?

Discipline?

Nope.

It’s Desire, Determination and Support.

Yes, I do mean capital-d Desire, capital-d Determination, and capital-s Support because practicing [anything] regularly is hard.

It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been at it, resistance to practicing is easy to find.

I think this is because, consciously or unconsciously, we’ve decided that we’re not babies anymore, and we think that’s progress. It’s not.

Let me explain.

When we’re babies and just learning to do, well, everything, we don’t need a chart to remind us to get our reps in. We don’t need an accountability partner. We have no idea that we’re supposed to be crawling or walking by a particular time, we’re just filled with an insatiable desire to figure out what we’re capable of, and we have at least one adult looking after us.

So we try, and fail, and keep going until one day, we get our foot in our mouth! And then we move onto the next thing, and the next, until we’re confidently moving through polite society.

At which point we decide, or we’re told, that there are some things we’re “naturally good” at, and some things we’re not, and “practicing” starts to feel hard:

We need reasons – praise, better grades, getting picked for the team, a promotion – to practice something we’re not “naturally good” at.

We want assurances that we’re not wasting our time. We want the praise, the grades or the acceptance to be guaranteed or we lose motivation.

We feel embarrassed practicing in front of other people. “I can’t have anyone see or hear me like this! I look and sound awful!“

Yes. Yes. Absolutely yes.

And…

No baby is “naturally good” at walking. We each conquer gravity one faltering step at a time. Some of us figure it out faster than others, but we all do it without knowing what it will feel like to finally know how.

We don’t need a reason, or a guarantee. We just keep going because we want to, and someone else wants us to, too.

When we can remember the grit we had as an infant, practicing [anything] feels better. Maybe not easier, but definitely better.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the best parts of adulthood – emotional regulation, solid relationship skills, knowing a ton of mostly useful stuff, getting to go just about anywhere that I want – but I think we miss something important when we leave all of infancy behind.

We forget how much Desire, Determination and Support have already helped us to accomplish.

(Bike riding, rock climbing, roller skating, skiing, social dancing, improv…)

We beat ourselves up for not “making the time,” not being “gifted,” not being “disciplined enough.”

Practicing [anything] regularly is not about time, talent or discipline.

It’s about Desire, Determination and Support:

• Desire changes our relationship with time, including our definitions of what’s “enough” and what it means to “waste” it.
• Determination keeps us coming back, which eventually moves us forward. Talent basks in its own glory.
• Support shows us how to make the best of what we’ve got, and how we are both capable and not alone.

More on these soon. Let me know how they strike you.

Warmly,

Michèle